Sunday, March 16, 2008

The English Language

Living in Minnesota has given me a new appreciation for the English language. If that weren't the truth, why did someone create a book and play entitled "How to Talk Minnesotan"? Trust me, it's dead on and as they say here, "It's a hoot!"

Isn't the English language funny? Read the following
items and see why English is one of the toughest
languages to learn.
1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more
refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the
desert.
7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought
it was time to present the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to
row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when the does are
present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into the sewer.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow
to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a number of injections, my jaw got number.
19. Upon seeing the tear in the fabric, I shed a tear.
20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate
friend?

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger, and
neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins
weren’t invented in England, nor French fries in
France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads,
which aren’t sweet, are meat.
Quicksand works slowly, while boxing rings are square
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea, nor is it a
pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers
don’t fing and hammers don’t ham?
If teachers taught, why is it that preachers don’t
praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a
humanitarian eat? In what other language do people
recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck
and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet
that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise guy and a wise man are opposites? You
have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in
which your house can burn up as it burns down, in
which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in
which an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it
reflects the creativity of the human race which, of
course, is not a race at all. That is why when the
stars are out they are visible but when the lights are
out, they are invisible.
P.S. Why doesn’t Buick rhyme with quick?

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Woven by Words by Mimi B is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.