I’ve been a single mom for five years and one of the hardest things for me to do is ask for help. It doesn’t matter if it’s a big or little thing. Unless it’s desperately something I need done, I’d rather try doing it myself or letting it go.
I dislike feeling needy. I hate asking someone to give up their time when I know we’re all so busy with our own lives. Really, doesn’t everyone feel crunched for time? And I’m gonna ask someone to come help me out when they’d be able to do something else for themselves or their family in their downtime?
I. Don’t. Think. So.
I have people offer to help me out all the time:
- Can we come help you rake your insanely large yard with all the Fall leaves?
- Want me to plow your driveway of snow since your snow thrower is broken?
- Do you have anything in the house that needs repairs?
- Would the boys like to go fishing/ice skating/swimming?
The boys fishing this summer
People always have such good intentions. Most come to me with the offers, but we never connect. If someone offers to help me out, I’m not going to be the one to call and say, “Hey you remember your offer?” because then it puts them in a position of having to make room in their lives to do whatever they offered.
I’m not going to be that person who makes someone else feel uncomfortable with their offer to help. I figure, if they really want to help out, they’ll get in touch with me.
Well, I had a friend offer a couple weeks ago to take my boys ice fishing. Of course, I said, “absolutely,” because I certainly wasn’t going to be taking the boys out. Now, when I said that, I really didn’t think it was going to happen. Good intentions and all you know?
I got a text Thursday from this friend asking if I had a couple of boys that would like to go ice fishing Saturday! I knew my boys were going to be so excited! I left the planning up to him letting him know the boys were available all day.
The boys were super excited to go ice fishing since they hadn’t been yet this year. I took the boys out there early Saturday morning and off they went. I figured a couple of hours later I’d be picking them up. I mean, you can only ice fish for so long, right?
As the afternoon rolled around I sent out a text to see if he was ready to bail cuz my boys were driving him batty. The opposite was true. They hadn’t caught any fish, but they were getting ready to head back to the house and get some lunch.
Alrighty then! More free time for me!
Finally a few hours later, after massive amounts of guy time, I got a text saying the boys were ready to head home.
How do you thank someone for spending an entire day pouring themselves into your boys, for no reason but to be kind? I thanked him, but I don’t think he understands how badly my boys need to be in the presence of godly men, to have guy time, to just be around some good old fashion testosterone.
If you know a single parent, know that if they’re anything like me, they aren’t going to ask for help. It’s too hard. We can only swallow our pride so many times. If you can, make the first call. If you see a need, fill it if you can.
Not only will they be blessed, so will you!
Are you a single mom or single dad? Am I off the mark or do you find it easier than me to reach out to others?