Yes, I love the Sound of Music.
No, I haven't watched it recently.
My boys and I are getting ready to head for the great unknown.
Friday, after school lets out for Christmas break, the boys will come home on the bus, we'll say goodbye to our cats and we'll load up in the van and head to Virginia.
To say that I'm scared out of my wits is not even close to how I feel. I question so many things, where several months ago I was excited for what the future held. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited for what the future holds, but there are so many unknown variables. I'm uncertain how things will go when we get where we're going.
What will it be like living with my family after being on my own since I was 18?
How will the boys handle the transition?
Will we find a Bible believing church to plant ourselves?
Will the school system be good enough for the boys?
How will I make friends when I'm not working?
Of course, that's just the tip of the iceberg. I doubt myself daily. I question the Lord. Is this really what He wants from me? What if I'm wrong and the plans I'm making don't pan out the way I hope and expect? I know I can always come back to MN. I know God won't leave me floundering and He will show me what to do by opening and shutting doors.
I know scripture tells us not to be anxious:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God
But can I be completely honest with you? That doesn't always work for me. I like understanding what's going on in my life. I don't like hanging chads! I want to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that everything is going to be ok. Right now I have no assurances of that.
And on top of looking at an unknown future, I'm still trying to pack up my present. This house is huge! I mean, I knew it was big, we had been a family of 6, but for a couple of years it's only been me and the boys so it's definitely seemed extremely big. Now that I've been packing it for a couple of months I see how this house has been too big for us for a long time.
Don't get me wrong, I love this house and I probably never would've moved if we weren't heading for VA. With packing up everything and giving away probably half of what we owned or accumulated, I'm shocked at how much we still have left! I've packed my van of only clothing and I'm wondering how I'll get the rest of our stuff packed in it.
We aren't taking everything. We're only taking necessities for now. We're going from a 5 bedroom house into two bedrooms at my mom's house. No need for much more than necessities. At some point I'll come back for everything or else we'll move back.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
The plan is for me to go back to school and take some Marketing classes. If I can get on my own two feet and not rely on my ex, it's entirely possible the boys and I would move back here in a couple of years. You never know. I never expected to leave. Who knows if we'll be coming back. Never say "never", eh?
So, the boys and I head out on Friday and hope to be at my parents' by Monday night. Just in time to celebrate New Years Eve with my family before my brother and his girlfriend leave for her parent's in WI! It will be good to be with my family over the holidays. My boys and I (and even my girls) will need the reassurance of those who love us and care about us that everything is going to be ok.
I do have a request from you. Please pray for us. Pray that our drive will be safe. That the Lord will guide me and show me what he wants from me after we're settled. Pray that He will open doors so I can get some schooling started and maybe find a part time job. Pray for peace for my boys (and myself) that we won't feel completely lost once we get to VA. I appreciate and covet your prayers.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Yes, I love the Sound of Music.
Words Woven by Mimi B at 9:53 PM