Last Wednesday on Facebook, Proverbs 31 Ministries shared an image that said, "With all I worry about doing wrong as a mom, praying is something I can do right." ~Lysa Terkeurst
I look back on motherhood, even though I've still got some years left ahead of me, and so often I'm reminded of the things I did/do wrong. Days where I lost my temper. Days where I hated being a mom. Days where I wanted to run away. Days where I wanted to give all of my kids up for adoption.
I've been a mom for almost 9125 days. And I've added 3 more children since the first day I became a mom. I would want to make some of those days disappear if I could for more reasons than one, but that isn't the full story.
Being a mom is the best thing I ever did with my life. When I was younger, I didn't even think I'd be a mom. It just wasn't on my radar, but I became a mom at the young age of 22. In fact, I'd only been 22 for eleven days before my oldest daughter was born. My pregnancies were tough because of the emotional stress I had with my marriage, but also hormones. I had never heard of Postpartum Depression in the early 90s, but I have no doubt I suffered from it intensely.
Throughout my girls toddlerhoods, to moving to Minnesota, and finding a new home, we were surrounded by people who loved on us. Back in Seattle, I had a small core group of believers who were aunties to my girls. They just loved and loved on them.
We have no idea or guarantee how our kids will turn out. We don't know where their choices will lead them. Circumstances happen in life that are out of our control, not matter how much we think we have.
None of us go through life unscathed. We all have something along the way that impacts us in a way that we could go down a path we never expected. That could definitely happen with out kids. For a variety of reasons that I won't get into, I worried about all four of my kids. Things happened in their lives that I wasn't sure I'd be able to guide them through, and quite honestly, I failed. I failed my daughters the most. I didn't protect them when I should have, and I didn't care for them how they needed.
We're not perfect as parents. Only our Father is perfect. As our kids grow up, they become responsible for their choices, and we have to let go...well, at least to a point. Ok, we have to let go because they're not truly ours. God has given them to us for a time, but really, I think as moms we'll always be "momming."
I won't patronize you, and say that everything will be just fine, and they'll come around. We have no guarantees. What we do have are promises from God.
When you're going through the trials of not knowing how things will turn out, be prayerful, stay in fellowship, and have godly friends who will walk through this time with you. Remember, God loves you, and He loves your child.