Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Wordless Wednesday: Play Ball

His first game of the year!

2 walks, 2 runs
baseball
Making the Score
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The Love Dare Day 3: Don’t Be So Selfish

Do you ever read something, something that’s not good and you can totally relate? It’s a reflection of you? Ish, that was me today reading the first paragraph in the Love Dare. I’ve never felt like I was high maintenance, and I’m not in the physical sense. I don’t need a lot. Emotionally though, I can’t say that same thing.

I’m “more needy, overly sensitive, demanding.” I judge others harshly while being blind to my own faults.

No, I’m not that way all of the time. It’s when I’m living in my black and white world. And I don’t, at the time, see it as being selfish. I just see something “wrong” and want it fixed…my way…by being demanding. Because, you know, if it was done the “right way” (my way) everything would be SO much better. Are you shaking your head at me like I am? Truly my intentions are good. Really, they are.

Selfish Ambition

Not living selfishly means I put the happiness of Fred before my own. Sounds easy, right? Try, not so much. How about a bit of honesty? Putting Fred’s happiness ahead of my own feels like I’ll become a doormat to all of the drama in his life. That there won’t be anyone fighting for the “right” in his or our lives. That I’ll then become his ex wife’s and his kids’ newest person to crush. That’s how I feel. It freaks me out.

But, selfishness is me letting go of my “right” and putting others’ needs ahead of my own. My “right” says, “He should be texting me now”, “He should want to spend time with me without me always asking” “He should parent this way or that”. Putting his needs ahead of mine means not asking to spend time with him even if he doesn’t ask and not getting mad, believing he’s just too busy to text and he will when he can, or backing off and letting him parent the way he feels works for his kids.

I can guarantee you that I won’t ever become a doormat. That’s just not my personality, BUT, I can try letting go of my selfishness which might give me the opportunity to look at the world around me differently which might give me a way to handle situations differently. Go figure. Hey, maybe I don’t have to be a tyrant!

I absolutely want to be liberated from the anxiety of unrealistic expectations and unmet demands. Does Fred need to step up in some areas? Yes, he does, I’m saying that to you, the reader because I don’t want you to think Fred has no part in our relationship. This is about ME though. How I’M living my life in regards to him, and ultimately in regards to his kids.

So today’s activity bounces off of yesterday’s and goes hand in hand. He’ll find these things out after he gets home and no sooner.

How do you live unselfishly towards your loved one? Do you consider what your loved one needs?

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Monday, April 21, 2014

the Love Dare Day 2: Showing Kindness

Today started off emotionally for me. Things have changed in my relationship with Fred. Right now I’m doing this Love Dare in the hopes I’ll be able to salvage our relationship. That is one of the goals. The other goal is to simply love better, in general.

When you do the Dare, you have to go in without any expectations. I don’t know if this will “work” for us, but I have to give it a try. Fred is worth it.

Yesterday I had to be patient. It was NOT easy. Today I’ve had to be patient and show kindness. It’s a bit hard to do this Dare and not have Fred know the things I’m doing because he reads my blog. So, I’m not going to show pictures today of the Dare results because then he’d know about my kindness. On top of that, today’s Dare will be in two parts.

Fruits of the Spirit

I’ll let you know, being patient hasn’t been easy for me both of these days. Yesterday I didn’t hear from him for four hours. You might roll your eyes, but he and I talk constantly. Con.Stant.Ly. Four hours that had my mind spinning and struggling and wrestling emotionally. We talk all of the time. He had his kids this weekend off and on since it was Easter weekend.

Of course, because his kids are part of what we’re struggling with, not talking to him felt like he was fortifying his time alone with his kids. That they were spending this weekend closing even more in on themselves. That brings out the fear in me because it makes me feel like we’re being pushed out even more. The fear makes me impatient. My emotions go wild.

Yesterday though, I couldn’t do anything. I had to wait. I couldn’t say anything. I just had to put it aside. It wasn’t easy. He and I went to bed on somewhat uneasy terms.

Today again there’s been very little communication. Maybe it’s his way of testing me. Maybe it’s his way of pulling further away. There are a million maybes in my head. Yet I wait. No pushing. No impatience except for what’s in my heart and my mind. Nothing directed towards him.

Kindness The Love Dare

We had an issue come up and I wasn’t mad like I usually am. I was extremely sad. Once again, I’ve come up on the short end of the Fred stick. It had me in tears. I tried to communicating without getting angry and having a short fuse. Today it was “easy” to communicate it that way. I don’t know if it’s because God is already changing my heart or just because of the situation.

Today kindness was the new focus. It had 4 core parts and with the issue above, I used the 2nd core of gentleness. When I was telling Fred something hard, how I was hurt, I tried to make it as easy as possible to hear. I don’t know that it was gentle, but it was honest. I wasn’t trying to be hurtful. Speaking of patience, I waited two hours before I texted him to see if he had even gotten my text, which he had. I’m trying to get used to this, the lessened communication. Not easy.

I’ve got so much growing to do through all of this. Personally I have a lot to learn. When I was thinking about my kindness towards Fred today I initially thought of what I could do for him, and realized that it was something I wanted to do. So, I’m doing two things, a kindness that I know he’d appreciate and a kindness that I wanted to do for him. lol I can do that, right? =) The second part will come tomorrow (fingers crossed).

How do you show kindness to your loved one?

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He’s Infiltrated My Life

Have you ever spent so much time with someone that they’ve infiltrated your life before you know it?

The last couple of days I realized how much Fred has woven his way into my life. Probably more than any other man ever has.

My thoughts

Tonight for dinner, mom made steak. If you’ve never tried Fred’s grilled steak, you haven’t lived. He’s so great at grilling. He’s a great cook. He also loves asparagus and corn. I always feel bad because he’s always cooking for us. I’m not sure if he doesn’t like my cooking or if he just enjoys doing it himself. I definitely luck out no matter what.

Grilling

I went into Whole Foods to pick up a gift card for my brother’s girlfriend. Whole Foods is Fred. The only reason I ever went into one was because of him. It’s where he worked when I met him.

The house I’m currently living in was the house he rented before we moved in. It’s where I got to know him. It’s where we began building our relational time together.

He’s such a nerd. lol In a good way. He likes the corniest things, says stuff that everyone else would, and his dancing? Don’t even get me started. His whistle causes second glances. His jokes make you roll your eyes. And you know what, he doesn’t care in the slightest what people think of his nerdiness. More power to him.

His hands. I have always loved his hands. His fingers are so long and his hand totally engulfs mine. I look like a two year old hand next to his. And he chews his nails down to nothing. Watching a movie and seeing a man’s hands remind me of his hands. When we drive in a car, he always holds my hand.

Hands

The scruff of his face. I love it when he has a day or two of facial hair. I can’t pass another man and not think about Fred’s face.

Do you ever watch a movie, a romance, and when the man looks at the woman, when he’s fallen in love with her, that look he gives…that’s how Fred has looked at me. Romance movies won’t ever measure up to how he looks at me. I remember clear as day after we’d had a family day together. He was wearing his black jacket, sitting between his kids, chin propped on his hands, watching me. Loving me with his eyes. The look he gave was melt worthy.

Seafood. I’m pretty sure I’ve never met another person who loves seafood as much as him. It’s amazing to watch him chow down a platter of various seafood. How could I ever look at another menu and not think of him when I saw surf & turf?

Surf and turf

Music. Ok, now, I have to say, in my day to day life, I wouldn’t have much of a reminder of Fred’s music, but I tell you what, he’s got the craziest taste in music. He’s got this massive CD binder in his car that’s always threatening to land in my lap. Daniel Amos, Swirling Eddies, V. Rose, Lecrae, and this list goes on. Christian artists I’d never heard of and ones I’d never choose to play on my own, but he’s got them all. He loves them. He can’t tell you my birthday, but he can tell you when a band got together, where each of the members are from, how long they were a band and where they went off to after the band broke up.

Then there’s his Prius. This large man folding himself up daily into it and loving it. hahahaha Here I am, wanting some Ford F350 on steroids and dear, lovely Fred, happy as a clam in his hybrid. We all give him a hard time about it and he doesn’t care. He loves his car. Yes, it gets great gas mileage. That’s the only thing I’ll concede.

Waking up and going to bed. Fred is my first and my last. When I start my day 99% of the time it’s to a text that says, “good morning. love you.” He’s also usually the last person I have contact with before I go to bed with “gn. love you.”

He’s intertwined his life into mine. There’s not one part he hasn’t touched. Isn’t it amazing how one person can do that?

Have you ever had someone so deeply involved in your every day life?

Sunday, April 20, 2014

The Love Dare…Dating and Broken Day 1

I’ve known about the Love Dare. I’ve watched Fireproof before. I watched it again Saturday night as I sat in the midst of heartbreak. The way life going isn’t how it was “supposed” to go.

The Love Dare is for married couples and obviously we aren’t married, but, I believe it will help me learn to love him more unselfishly. I’m not sure it will do any good, but what could it hurt trying to love someone unselfishly?

Do Nothing

Today is Easter. Fred and I aren’t together. I’m at my parents unable to eat and have spent the better part of the last 3 days crying. I know wah wah wah It’s just the truth.

I’m starting the Love Dare today because he and I don’t get to spend a lot of time together so the Dare will be a bit unconventional.

Day 1 is Love is Patient

You’d think it would be easy to be patient not being with Fred all of the time, but we can both tell you that isn’t the case. It’s easy for me to read into things, be unreasonably expectant for something, and to become impatient.

Being impatient has me responding in an ungodly manner. It has me snippy and crabby, blaming and angry. These are moments when Fred just can’t win. Like the book says, it “generates additional problems.”

I’ll be honest with you. I’m reading through this first chapter and keep wanting to say, “but…”, and I think the only way I can overcome this is to get rid of that “but…”. Holding on to it keeps the cycle of me wanting to be right. Fred is exemplary at patience. It infuriates me to no end. He knows this. This is where he lives in his gray. This is where I live in black and white. If I see an injustice, dang it, take care of it now! Go be the man and get this freaking problem solved. Fred just calmly walks around, saying he has everything under control. It’s mind boggling to me.

So, patience it is. Living in the gray. Not having my “rights” or “my way”. It’s like the book says, “It doesn’t rush to judgment, but puts our feelings on pause…” Listen, my feelings are NEVER on pause. Eh-VER! They’re always right there, on the surface, good or bad, ready to come out. I have never lived a life built around patience. Have I mentioned I have amazing blood pressure? =)

We aren’t together, but today will be day 1 of me trying to learn about patience in a tangible way. Of considering it at the forefront of my mind.

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Woven by Words by Mimi B is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.