Thursday, January 12, 2012

Divorce Is Never Easy

I’ve been separated from my soon-to-be-ex for over 5 yrs. The journey to the point of finally getting divorced hasn’t been an easy one and there were many times I was ready to throw in the towel. I won’t go into details as to why I didn’t divorce sooner, but suffice it to say, I was waiting on the Lord.

A year ago, it was clear to me I was being released from this marriage. I guess it helps when your husband is asking another woman out on a date. I had hoped to start divorce proceedings back then, but I didn’t have enough information to get started. Plus, I was overwhelmed with the thought of doing it all myself.

There was no way I was going to be able to afford a lawyer. I knew he wasn’t going to pay for one so it was left to us to figure all of it out. My “ex” has always taken care of the finances. In fact, he still pays all the bills. In that, I have been blessed. Pretty much ONLY in that, but for me, it’s enough.

Since the Spring I’ve been waiting for him to get the paperwork moving. He said he would. Summer came and went, I kept asking if he was getting it done. He was busy. Stuff was always coming up. I imagined there was SO much to fill out it was going to take forever.

Well, October came and I found out some new information and I told him that by weekend’s end, the divorce papers would be finished, if I had to do them myself. Yah, turns out that’s exactly what happened. So, I threw my big girl panties on and started going through all the papers I found online to complete a divorce.

Guess what?! I was done…in TWO HOURS! Yes, you read that right, TWO stinking hours. He sat on these papers for months when we could’ve moved on with our lives. Well, he was apparently while I sat back like an idiot thinking he was working on stuff. My faithfulness certainly never paid off with him!

Unfortunately, me getting them done in two hours didn’t get the paperwork turned in very fast. He had to look them over. We sent them into the County Law Library to have them look them over. I went back and forth with them a few times for clarification.

This past week he and I went to the law library to meet with a lawyer for about 15 minutes. They are pretty big sticklers when it comes to free time and lawyers. =) Well, the guy we ended up working with gave us basically a 1/2 hour consultation and acted as my lawyer! How rockin’ is that?

Too bad he gave us an entirely NEW set of papers to fill out, but pretty much mirror what I already had done with our first stack! Thank God! So, I’ve got the papers all printed. I delivered them yesterday, but didn’t hear back on any changes. Sent a message today asking for them to be looked over and that I wanted to have them submitted by Friday.

Got a message today, while I was at church that he wanted to go over the papers. Yah, he knows I’m at church Wednesday nights! Ugh. Then I get home to talk to him and he’s going to bed. This run around is tiring and I just want it to be done with.

If you’ve been through a divorce, has it felt like you’re chasing your tail at all? How did you get through it without losing your mind?


Lindsey said...

I did hire a lawyer. Filed in June. Still waiting for the court to finalize everything. You are blessed. I get nothing from my ex. No money, no support, not a thing. It's a tough process but if God has led you down that path, as He did me, it will all work out.

Babes Mami said...

I haven't been through one but it sounds like your ex is making you work hard for it.

Liz Mays said...

I don't know Minnesota state law, but in Michigan I filed on my own. I don't understand why yours has to look everything over first. That seems so weird because some couples are in a horrible relationship by that point.

I used a lawyer, and I HIGHLY advise you to have some form of legal counsel. I would not trust that he won't try to screw you over financially in some way.

In my case, my ex and I were and are good friends, so we agreed on all the terms ourselves and then relayed it to our lawyers.

I feel for you!

TheAtticGirl said...

I'm so sorry you have to deal with all this. I have been there. I was separated for 3 years waiting to find out what my ex wanted to do. I already had separation papers drawn up by my lawyer (long story) so when he filed everything was pretty much settled for the court date, though it took a lot to get to that point. I highly recommend you get a good lawyer to fight for you in case your ex decides to get nasty. I still deal with nasty ex stuff 10 years later. Things get very messy in a divorce sometimes even when you think you've worked out everything between the two of you.

I didn't really get through it without losing my mind at times. But with a lot of prayer and support from some good friends, I got through it. You will make it through this too. One step at a time! Feel free to tweet me or email me if you ever need to vent.

momto8 said...

hang in there!! stay sane.

mail4rosey said...

Losing your mind is par for the course, but thankfully it's only temporary. :)

I have to agree with Liz though, getting an attorney is imperative, despite legal costs. I've seen strange things happen (completely unjust in everyone's opinion who also witnessed it) when legal counsel was absent. I clerked in a courtroom many years ago, and cannot count the number of jaw-dropping scenes that took place because someone was unfortunate enough not to have an attorney representing them against someone they thought they could 'trust.'

Good luck and big hugs to you and your kiddos.

Bruce Sallan said...

Yes, it is ALWAYS a pain. Call me if you need some (male) support on this Mimi...and I hope to see you at #DadChat tonight.

You know, we haven't "done" divorce on #DadChat yet - such a big topic...Maybe you should co-host with me on that topic?

Sabrina B Radke said...

Wow, what a crazy pain....maybe it should be harder to get married? I know someone that did it online too, funny they got is done super fast too!

Alesha @ Full Time Mama said...

I'm so sorry you are still dealing with all this. I have no idea how it all works, but you are in my prayers!! HUGS!

Tree said...

It sucks you have to deal with this Mimi.. and especially with him stalling. :( I can't say I know what you're feeling, but I can imagine you just want to get it done once and for all! Sending you my prayers!!

VM Family Law said...

Awesome insight and I agree that divorce is hard but anyone can overcome it.

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