Today started off emotionally for me. Things have changed in my relationship with Fred. Right now I’m doing this Love Dare in the hopes I’ll be able to salvage our relationship. That is one of the goals. The other goal is to simply love better, in general.
When you do the Dare, you have to go in without any expectations. I don’t know if this will “work” for us, but I have to give it a try. Fred is worth it.
Yesterday I had to be patient. It was NOT easy. Today I’ve had to be patient and show kindness. It’s a bit hard to do this Dare and not have Fred know the things I’m doing because he reads my blog. So, I’m not going to show pictures today of the Dare results because then he’d know about my kindness. On top of that, today’s Dare will be in two parts.
I’ll let you know, being patient hasn’t been easy for me both of these days. Yesterday I didn’t hear from him for four hours. You might roll your eyes, but he and I talk constantly. Con.Stant.Ly. Four hours that had my mind spinning and struggling and wrestling emotionally. We talk all of the time. He had his kids this weekend off and on since it was Easter weekend.
Of course, because his kids are part of what we’re struggling with, not talking to him felt like he was fortifying his time alone with his kids. That they were spending this weekend closing even more in on themselves. That brings out the fear in me because it makes me feel like we’re being pushed out even more. The fear makes me impatient. My emotions go wild.
Yesterday though, I couldn’t do anything. I had to wait. I couldn’t say anything. I just had to put it aside. It wasn’t easy. He and I went to bed on somewhat uneasy terms.
Today again there’s been very little communication. Maybe it’s his way of testing me. Maybe it’s his way of pulling further away. There are a million maybes in my head. Yet I wait. No pushing. No impatience except for what’s in my heart and my mind. Nothing directed towards him.
We had an issue come up and I wasn’t mad like I usually am. I was extremely sad. Once again, I’ve come up on the short end of the Fred stick. It had me in tears. I tried to communicating without getting angry and having a short fuse. Today it was “easy” to communicate it that way. I don’t know if it’s because God is already changing my heart or just because of the situation.
Today kindness was the new focus. It had 4 core parts and with the issue above, I used the 2nd core of gentleness. When I was telling Fred something hard, how I was hurt, I tried to make it as easy as possible to hear. I don’t know that it was gentle, but it was honest. I wasn’t trying to be hurtful. Speaking of patience, I waited two hours before I texted him to see if he had even gotten my text, which he had. I’m trying to get used to this, the lessened communication. Not easy.
I’ve got so much growing to do through all of this. Personally I have a lot to learn. When I was thinking about my kindness towards Fred today I initially thought of what I could do for him, and realized that it was something I wanted to do. So, I’m doing two things, a kindness that I know he’d appreciate and a kindness that I wanted to do for him. lol I can do that, right? =) The second part will come tomorrow (fingers crossed).
How do you show kindness to your loved one?