Sunday, April 20, 2014

The Love Dare…Dating and Broken Day 1

I’ve known about the Love Dare. I’ve watched Fireproof before. I watched it again Saturday night as I sat in the midst of heartbreak. The way life going isn’t how it was “supposed” to go.

The Love Dare is for married couples and obviously we aren’t married, but, I believe it will help me learn to love him more unselfishly. I’m not sure it will do any good, but what could it hurt trying to love someone unselfishly?

Do Nothing[4]

Today is Easter. Fred and I aren’t together. I’m at my parents unable to eat and have spent the better part of the last 3 days crying. I know wah wah wah It’s just the truth.

I’m starting the Love Dare today because he and I don’t get to spend a lot of time together so the Dare will be a bit unconventional.

Day 1 is Love is Patient

You’d think it would be easy to be patient not being with Fred all of the time, but we can both tell you that isn’t the case. It’s easy for me to read into things, be unreasonably expectant for something, and to become impatient.

Being impatient has me responding in an ungodly manner. It has me snippy and crabby, blaming and angry. These are moments when Fred just can’t win. Like the book says, it “generates additional problems.”

I’ll be honest with you. I’m reading through this first chapter and keep wanting to say, “but…”, and I think the only way I can overcome this is to get rid of that “but…”. Holding on to it keeps the cycle of me wanting to be right. Fred is exemplary at patience. It infuriates me to no end. He knows this. This is where he lives in his gray. This is where I live in black and white. If I see an injustice, dang it, take care of it now! Go be the man and get this freaking problem solved. Fred just calmly walks around, saying he has everything under control. It’s mind boggling to me.

So, patience it is. Living in the gray. Not having my “rights” or “my way”. It’s like the book says, “It doesn’t rush to judgment, but puts our feelings on pause…” Listen, my feelings are NEVER on pause. Eh-VER! They’re always right there, on the surface, good or bad, ready to come out. I have never lived a life built around patience. Have I mentioned I have amazing blood pressure? =)

We aren’t together, but today will be day 1 of me trying to learn about patience in a tangible way. Of considering it at the forefront of my mind.

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HBrummett said...

BIG HUGS! I have spent today in tears too. Not a fun way to do things. I am also emotional and hear every word you are saying. I totally get it. Love is Patient. Love is hard. Patience is hard. Keep on keeping on! We will be ok! :)

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