Tuesday, July 6, 2010

The Bachelor/Bachelorette ~ Beware Of Men in "Sweet" Clothing

I debated whether or not to post something about this goofy show and probably would have until I watched Jake and Vienna from the last season of The Bachelor.

Just so we're clear, this will be long winded, as I have a lot of opinions. My personal experience is involved so give me a bit of leeway. Thanks. =)

I have to admit that I didn't really care for Vienna in the show. I definitely wanted Ali or Tenley to be the one he chose. Vienna seemed very young and to me still acted like she was in college. Doesn't make her a bad person, just "young".

So, Jake who had been on The Bachelorette comes back for his die hard fans. Admit it, we ALL fell for this guy who wanted to protect Deanna. Be still my heart.

Well, after watching this battle between Jake and Vienna after tonight's Bachelorette, I think my heart seized up!

I watched him on Dancing with the Stars. Uh, he sucked. I kind of grimaced whenever I saw him and he always seemed to be playing a part. He was trying to be too sweet, too sincere. I saw him on E! or whatever channel The Soup is on and he wasn't amusing and he can't act. Why hasn't anyone told him this? Does he even realize that people are making fun of him or does he think he's so amazing it's beyond him that we're not all fawning over his acting abilities.

Alright, here's where I get serious.

Watching Vienna with Jake gave me deja vu. I felt like it was me and my husband, to a degree.

In our marriage, I was CONSTANTLY defending myself, which is what Vienna was doing tonight. Jake kept saying she was "interrupting" him. Yep, she was because it was the only way to defend herself against his higher-than-thou attitude sitting next to her.

Vienna had point after point to raise against him. She had verbal evidence and she would say concrete occurrences.

Jake, had nothing specific to point out. He'd just say, "She emasculates me. She interrupts me. She wasn't supportive." To top it all off, he loses his cool ON CAMERA and hammers his leg with his hand while looking at her with such anger. No, she might not have been in imminent danger, but if that's how pissed off he gets in front of another person, imagine them alone. One of the first things out of his mouth to her is, "You disgust me." Ick, definitely NOT the Jake from Deanna's show. Well, he was, but now we know he was "acting".

To Chris, the host of The Bachelor/The Bachelorette, Jake says that he's never raised his voice in a relationship before. Well, if he can change so drastically in just 6 short months, there's a problem. I mean, raising his hand in anger, and yet the guy's NEVER raised his voice in a relationship? Give me a break.

I also didn't like Chris tonight, really for this first time. He always seems to be pretty even handed, but tonight he seemed like he was putting Vienna in the hot seat and never really asked Jake to prove anything or give specifics, except when they discuss the GPS (later in my tirade). I also wasn't happy that in the end he asked Vienna if she had anything she wanted to apologize for, but not Jake. He also pointed out that she had gotten a job in L.A. alluding to the fact that maybe she's interested in fame. Never once asked Jake about his plans, although I did read he's doing a spot on Drop Dead Diva. Puke!

Vienna called for a polygraph. She was ready to go head to head with Jake. She was not going to lie down and let this guy walk all over her. Vienna called a spade a spade and said he was a liar and a fame whore. I believe both are probably true. She said the only woman who will ever marry Jake won't want respect and will want to be controlled. I agree.

I lived with my husband for 9 yrs (we've been separated for 3 1/2). He always knew exactly how to do something. My suggestions weren't needed unless asked for. If I didn't do things his way then I thought he was stupid (for what having a mind of my own?). As time went on, I thought I was losing my mind. It was because of the mind games.

Another example from Vienna was when they were putting furniture in their bedroom. He measured the room and knew exactly how the furniture was going to be put. When she had a different idea his response was, "Don't undermine me." What the heck? As Vienna said, when you're in a relationship, you discuss things, brainstorm, find solutions together. When you're in a relationship that's controlling and abusive (mental, emotional, or physical) the abuser is always right. Even when they go on television (or in my case with a counselor) and say, "She's always right."

I'm tellin' ya, it makes you think you're nuts. You KNOW you're never right, but he keeps saying you're attitude is of "Miss Perfect". It's such a conflict with reality.

Ugh, I hated it when my husband would say that because I knew in our home I was rarely right. I always thought I was stupid. I never understood why he'd ask for my opinion because he'd rarely take my suggestions.

I think the real Jake Pavelka revealed himself on tonight's show. Vienna said that she was asking for directions from Jake. He told her how to get where they were going. For some reason she grabbed the GPS to make sure, double check, what have you. Jake didn't care that she would question him and threw the GPS into the back of their vehicle.

If you had seen the way Vienna demonstrated how Jake threw the GPS unit, you would know that he was furious with her challenging his directions and whipped that thing into the back. Chris asked him if that was true and Jake said it was. So what she wanted to check the GPS. Let her and then be a dork and say, "told ya so." Don't be a control freak.

I agree with Vienna that he emotionally abused her. Watching her during this whole segment as I said was like watching me and my estranged husband. Very scary and she is a lucky girl to be out of this relationship now, early on. Jake sat there smug with that stupid smirk on his face (that 1/2 smile that at one time was endearing), and she was holding back the emotions the whole time. Not overly so or being dramatic, just responding to the situation. You can tell she had no idea this was how it would all end. When you're blindsided by an abusive relationship, you question yourself and wonder where and when everything went wrong.

In my humble opinion, it had nothing to do with her. She was the girl with the body and he didn't want someone he thought would be a "thinker". He wanted a college age girl who he thought he could control. She doesn't understand why things went bad after a month. Jake, I believe had a plan and she was a means to an end. He got bored with the sex because he was using her and she wanted a lifetime commitment, a relationship.

Vienna finally walked off and Jake's response was basically, "See, this is what I have to deal with." The abuser show themselves as the "victim". Yes, I'm rolling my eyes big time. He was a jerk during this whole interview and if I never see him again it will be too soon. BTW, my prediction is, he will never and I mean N-E-V-E-R make it in Hollywood.
If only Jake had been as sweet as his portrayal in The Bachelorette and then on his turn as The Bachelor. Can you imagine? I wonder if he can even imagine himself being that guy all the girls in America swooned over. Maybe if he "acted" like that guy, he could start to take on those traits. Of course, I've already stated my opinion on his acting abilities! Miracles can happen.

Now, as a side note, my husband has been in intensive therapy for 2 years and it has done a world of good. He learned he's narcissistic. He's also learning that the world doesn't revolve around him. His counselor has been amazing and she doesn't let him get away with anything (I've been to a couple meetings, I know). He is a good guy, and spent so much of his life thinking only of himself, that this is definitely a new and improved person.


Mrs. Frogster said...

I stopped watching it half-way through last night, although I still have it on my DVR. It is interesting to hear your point of view because you come from such a specific and obviously similar place. I struggle with watching things like that because I know all the editing and things that networks will use to make a story more dramatic or slant it a certain way. (like the media!)
You are probably right about the way their relationship went down, although I wish she had chosen a different avenue other than the tabloids to release the news to the press. It unfortunately is a strike against her in my opinion.
But then again, I myself have never been in a situation like that, so I have no idea what I would do.
Okay, so now you've got me thinking. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and also your personal experience. :)

Lucie said...

WOW! I totally and completely agree with everything that you said about Jake and Vienna!

My three girls and I watched this last night after the Bachelorette Show.

I totally wanted to cry so many times and my girls and I would just look at each other shocked!

Jake is such a mean spirited man and soooo controlling I don't think he has a chance with any woman after that interview.

He showed all of America who he really is and I am so glad for Vienna's sake that it happened on camera!

I'm also glad that she got to explain why she went to the tabloids with the story. I believe her, that she really felt like Jake would run and tell his side and there she would sit, looking like the bad one again...just as she had felt all through the relationship (after the first month of course).

And, I agree with you...why was she the only one asked to apologize? And SHE DID!!! She actually pulled herself together enough to think through things and said that she was sorry how she had gone about the story telling part! All the while Jake sits there with that fake, cheesey smile on his face. The kind of smile that doesn't reach the eyes.

Also, I told my girls last night, "I cannot believe that he lost his temper on camera!!! If he loses his temper on camera like this its much worse in private!"

OK...I think I'm done off my podium! haha I'm so glad that you posted on this subject!!!

Liz Mays said...

I couldn't agree with you more. She had instances and facts and everything he said, she had an immediate rebuttal for with legitimate evidence.

I was watching his mouth and it was like he was sneering and trying so hard to keep his anger in check to some degree. He is a complete jerk.

When Chris made that comment saying something about not caring about her dog, I thought he was so rude and I was not impressed with him from that point on.

What a train wreck.

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