That’s my question for you.
When your past has pretty much sucked with the opposite sex, how do you recover? How do you start to build trust again? Where do you start?
I figure one foot in front of the other is the obvious way to go. But I’ve been there before. I’ve put myself out there, given an inch when I’ve been told how much I can trust someone and they’ve gone and taken a mile.
I’ve met someone and I’m proceeding very cautiously. I have moments where I believe this man wouldn’t say a thing to me that would be dishonest. I mean, it’s just the way he seems to be. But then things happen. Little things that get my mind whirling. My thoughts go back to what I believe to be true about men, at least 99% of the men who have been in my life and my thoughts become, “he’s probably just like them.”
Now, I know a few things that are for sure even in the midst of this. One, if God is for me who can be against me? Yea, this guy could end up being the biggest liar of them all, but you know what? God is in control. I just have to keep my eyes and my heart focused on him. If I allow God to lead, then I’m in good hands!
The next thing I know is that Satan would like nothing better than to destroy a good thing. I say a “good thing” because I believe it to be true even in the midst of my fear of trusting. I believe Satan is a thief and a liar. He seeks to destroy anything that is good. Fred wants to be a church planter and should be finished with school by the end of the year. Depending on what the future holds, if we are together, then Satan won’t want us doing the work of the Lord. What better way to destroy it than to do it before it gets off the ground?
It’s not easy to say the least. When you’ve gone through what I have with my father having affairs throughout my life, boyfriends who cheated, an ex who left because he couldn’t handle life, and my current ex who made choices that will leave a lasting affect on me and my kids…well, and everyone else who knows him. Needless to say, men haven’t had the best influence in my life.
So, how do we recover from a life that has been filled with lies and deceit? How do we move past that to full trust? How do we give an inch without protecting that mile?
I know the only way I’m going to be able to do it is to rely on God, fully and completely. I won’t be able to do this on my own. Ask Fred. He knows of my struggles because he talks to me daily and he knows when I’m struggling. Of course, it’s hard for him because he has to figure out how to help me trust him.
Days like today. He did one thing, I expected another (sort of). When it didn’t go how I’d thought, my mind started wondering why. All these things come feeding into my brain and the thing is, Satan knows me so well, he knows how to make things seem. All day I’ve just asked God to take these thoughts away from me. Thankfully I’ve had peace here and there throughout the day, as long as I didn’t think about the morning.
I have so much to learn about being in a healthy relationship. Fred and I bring things from our pasts that aren’t going to be easy to get through, but we’re attempting to do it together. Emptying our baggage one piece at a time. While he seems to have only brought a carry on, it appears I’ve got the entire line of Samsonite with me!
Have you had trust broken before? How do you not allow it to affect your future. And if it does, how do you get through it?